WEIRD WEDNESDAYS 1

An Imbecile's Guide to Existential Philosophy (A Follow-Up)

Greetings to you, Dear Reader. It's a pleasure to teach philosophy to you again. As you may remember, we left off on the topic of existential angst with my promise of explaining how certain famous philosophers decided that we can override it. This is a "feel good" lesson; the tenets of which I do not agree with integrity to my brand of existential nihilism. So, without further ado, we'll get started.

An old man and a little girl walk into a forest. The little girl says, "I'm scared." The old man replies, "You're scared? I have to walk out of this forest alone!"

Subjectivity, Dear Reader. As you may remember from the last post, Kierkegaard gives us the concept of angst, which is the inescapable pull of despair upon the self, whether in the position of the aforementioned old man or the little girl. We live in a world of expectations, both original and foreign, towards which we feel responsible. Should we feel responsible? Let's start with philosophy's mustachioed punk-rock rebel, Friedrich Nietzsche.

In Nietzsche's work, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, he speaks of an over-man who is unfaltered and unfazed by the otherworldly non-truths of theologians and idealists, making his own "meaning" in life through his this-worldly will to power. In other words, a person who thinks for herself and impresses her own will upon society. In other other words, Superman; supposing that Superman is one who impresses his will (truth, justice, and the American way) upon others (typically criminals, as it occurs). Nietzsche, in spite of Superman, does not believe in morality.

Whoa! What? No morality? Let's not take that out of context. We get value judgements not unlike morality in Nietzsche's views; specifically, the life-affirming versus the life-denying. These terms, to oversimplify, address whether one says "yes" or "no" to life. For example, the businesswoman who demands pay equal to that of her male co-workers is life-affirming, while the priest who instructs churchgoers to when harmed is life-denying. Suffice it to say that humility is no longer and issue of morality, but rather is the life-denying choice of the sycophant.

On to Marty Heidegger, a supremely difficult philosopher to study. Fortunately, his existential views can be summarized in one word: care. "That's simple enough," you might say, but you know better than to accept existential theories at face value, don't you? If so, skip ahead to the next paragraph. Heidegger is concerned with care because it is the essence of being... you know, in time. A static reality (the self) subjected to a fluxuating continuum (time) which doesn't exist. Naturally, we must consider our own deaths in order to uphold this worldview, for a life without death is utterly meaningless because of its non-completion and (fast-forwarding to French existentialism) vapid with ennui. If we care about something in respect to our inevitable and ever-encroaching doom we have some "meaning" in our life. The cowardly military grunt who shoots himself so as to not be redeployed agrees just as much as the battle-hardened officer. They both do what they think is right in terms of what they care for above other things.

So there's this guy who was a POW in France during World War II. He read Heidegger's magnum opus, Being in Time, during his imprisonment. You may already adhere to his ideology, whether or not you're aware of his works. His name was Jean-Paul Sartre. He smoked a shitload of tobacco and believed that life is what you make of it. To clarify, he believed in being-for-itself (writing your own story, which is what you, Dear Reader, are so passively doing right now) and being-in-itself (your epic comic tragedy, only completed upon your own death) as two separate things. It's like the difference between Forrest Gump serving in Vietnam as opposed to Forrest Gump telling his story at a bus-stop bench. One is complete, insofar as it has been done, while the other is begging resolution. In your life, however, you may not have the priviledge of recounting your memoirs. You might be lined up against the wall with so many others and undeservedly executed via firing squad after Homeland Security fails to do its job. Maybe you'll find yourself at the business-end of another nation's ICBM and you'll be a casualty of nuclear warfare. There's your life story, but did you write it?

Memento mori, motherfuckers.

Eco & Animal Friendly Jewelry

Christy Robinson, a jewelry designer from Dallas, Texas, designs eco & animal friendly jewelry. Robinson actually gives a portion of her proceeds to various earth and animal charities, some of her favorites include: Farm Sanctuary, Earth First!, United Poultry Concerns, Earth Island Institute, Release Chimps, Compassion Over Killing, and Vegan Outreach, Sea Shepherd, just to name a few. Her current body of work, which features jewelry designs that are both one of a kind and those that use earth friendly recycled metals such as aluminum and copper often deal with animal rights or environmental issues. Aside from all of that, she has really cute designs and decent prices. Supporting her means supporting animals rights, so do it.

Yum Yums!

Vegan candy! Yay!

Candy
Airheads taffy
Atkins peanut butter bars
Blow Pops
Brach’s Cinnamon Hard Candy
Charms lollipops
Chick-o-Sticks
Cracker Jack
Cry Babies
Dem Bones
Dots
Dum-Dums
Fireballs
Goldenberg's Peanut Chews
Hubba Bubba bubblegum
Jolly Ranchers (lollipops and hard candy)
Jujubees
Jujyfruits
Lemonheads
Mambas
Mary Janes (regular and peanut butter kisses)
Now and Later
Pez
Ring Pop lollipops
Smarties (U.S. Brand)
Sour Patch Kids
Super Bubble
Swedish Fish
Sweet Tarts
Tropical Source mini chocolate bags
Twizzlers
Zotz
Snacks

Bean dip (make sure it’s lard-free)
Cracker Jack
Fritos
Lance’s Toasty Crackers
Lay's Stax
Lay's WOW! potato chips
Microwave popcorn (minus the real butter flavor)
Munchos
Peanuts, sunflower seeds, almonds, cashews, and Pistachios
Pretzels
Salsa
Skittles’ Mints
Tostitos
Trail mix
Triscuits
Wheat Thins


Watch Your Mouth
Not what comes out but what goes in. Sure, you might follow the two-second rule when you drop your Tofutti Cutie on your kitchen floor, but you won’t want to give these disgusting hidden animal ingredients the time of day.

Casein—Whey’s cousin, casein is made from curdled milk. Yuck!

Gelatin—Rhymes with "skeleton." Coincidence? I think not. Gelatin is a protein made by boiling cows’ and pigs’ skin, tendons, ligaments, and bones. Jell-O? Heck, no!

Honey—Sure, honey tastes sweet, but you’ll get a bad taste in your mouth when you learn how it’s "harvested."

From a former beekeeper: "[T]ypically, beekeepers are gloved and netted to avoid stings (nearly every bee who stings will die due to her entrails being pulled from her body attached to her stinger.) Then the hives are opened as quickly as possible and the bees are ‘smoked.’ Smoke from a smoldering fire carried in a ‘smoker’ is pumped into the hive and the bees are ‘calmed.’ In spite of this, the combs are pulled quickly and many bees are crushed in the process. When a bee is hurt, she releases a chemical message that alerts and activates the hive members who proceed to attack the intruder—giving their lives in the process."

Lard—Lard is such a gross word, it almost makes you wonder why they just don’t call it what it is: "Fat from hog abdomens."

Pepsin—If the thought of eating lard turns your stomach, stay away from pepsin, a clotting agent from pigs’ stomachs, used in some cheeses and vitamins.

Rennet—Certain words just make you cringe, like coagulate, congeal, clot—which is what rennet, an enzyme taken from baby calves’ stomachs, is used for in cheese production.

Stearic Acid—It may sound less gross than "lard," but stearic acid, which often rears its ugly head in chocolate and vitamins, comes from a fatty substance taken from slaughtered pigs’ stomachs—or from cows, sheep, or dogs and cats euthanized in animal shelters. Still want to chew on that piece of Fido?

Cetyl Palmitate—Check your head if you’re using margarine that contains cetyl palmitate, the fancy term for the waxy oil derived from sperm whales’ heads or from dolphins. "I can’t believe it’s not " oh, wait. It is" Whale head wax"?

Urea—Urea comes from urine and other "bodily fluids." It’s used to "brown" baked goods, like pretzels. Um, yeah. And the oven is for ??

When going to any convenience store, take a look around and see what other food services they offer. Often, you can get made-to-order sandwiches and salads. For instance, Speedway gas stations can make up MTO veggie wraps and sandwiches, and you can also snag bagels, garlic fries (minus the cheese), and cheese-free nachos.

PSA: Don't do drugs

I came across this 90's Ninja Turtle PSA which is pure comedy not only because the kid says " I'm not a chicken you're a turkey", but because if your kids are seeing life size turtles talking to them your PSA didn't work and they are high as shit.

I kept on searching and came across some of these beauties, ENJOY.

There is a sexual overtone in this one, it has nothing to do with

drugs I don't think but they keep saying don't put in your mouth.

When PeeWee herman says not to do crack you should

immediately buy crack and chew it like rock candy.

Milwaukee Social worker Blogs about why we should hate Sarah Palin In (2008). I updated it.

• lifetime member of the NRA (and supposedly hunts regularly)
• anti-abortion, yet still calls herself a feminist?
• pro-death penalty
• former beauty pageant queen...... because there has to besomething pretty to look at while discussing the issues?
• nominated miss congeniality... do you think she includes thison her resume?
• anti-environment, for drilling in Alaska and removing tho polar bears protected status
• little political experience (4yrs on city council, 6 yrs as mayor of a small town, and almost 2 yrs as Governor of Alaska)
• prior work experience includes sports reporter and commercial fishing
• uncertain religious affiliation: Pentecostal, non-denominationaland Lutheran?
• She is seen as ideal because her son is being deployed to Iraq.....how does that speak to her credibility as a candidate?
• children with crazy names: Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow, and Piper.... i feel sorry for them!
• married to high school boyfriend.... come on how about some exploration!
• husband works for BP oil.... hmm she is neutral right?
• Palin stated: "It was rightly noted in Denver this week that Hillary left 18 million cracks in the highest, hardest glass ceiling in America," she told the crowd. "But it turns out the women of America aren't finished yet, and we can shatter that glass ceiling once and for all." How is electing a woman who is against most women's issues shattering the glass ceiling? We might as well elect a mannequin.
• She was only selected to take away votes from the democrats, not based on her credentials or skills
• Sarah was chosen over many other more qualified and experienced women such as Senator Hutchinson or Snowe
• John McCain, who has previously called his wife a cunt, probably has one intention in choosing Sarah: she will be a pretty face to campaign with and deceive the consciences of women but if elected, will be asked to keep her mouth shut and submit to his paternalistic, male dominated world view (which she seemingly already has)

+ Arial Hunting alone is a reason to have this cunts head mounted on your wall. OH sorry that's not posi?

+ The fact that she resigned in the middle of her term is a good reason.

+ Her daughters EX shows his little ass in play girl

+ she attempts stand up comedy

+ She writes crib notes on her hand at tea party rallys

+ HER VOICE

+ Id love to hate Bang her.

Nirvana's School and Your Own Existential Malaise

On Nirvana's Bleach album, Kurt Cobain sings of school sans recess. "Won't you believe it, it's just my luck," Kurt recites in reuttered repetition (reoccuring, but rejecting redundancy), conveying the message of being fucked over by circumstances outside of his own control. A constant process of so-called learning devoid of any breaks. Enter the father of existentialism, Søren Kierkegaard.

Kierkegaard (1813-1855) posits that we are constantly and consistently in the condition of angst, which is that nagging feeling that makes you feel like shit due to your responsibilities in relation to your own principles and the expectations of others. Angst is more than something superficially conveyed through My Chemical Romance tunes. It's something that affects our beings and choices whether or not we're aware of it. We have x amount of time to do y amount of z, and then we die. As it was with old video games like Ms. Pac-Man or Space Invaders, the object of the game is to get as high a score as is attainable until the inevitable GAME OVER. Furthermore, you're out of quarters. Yes, Dear Reader, the end is indeed imminent. Why are you wasting this irreplaceable time reading this paragraph when you could be wasting this irreplaceable time looking at pornography? You're already online; you should fucking do it. Better yet, why not spend time with those who mean more than two shits to you?

Still reading? How pitiful. Let's go back to Cobain's aforementioned verse, "won't you believe it, it's just my luck." Do we make our own destinies, or are we subject to where and when we're born in addition to our genealogy and circumstances? As the only cool Nazi, Martin Heidegger, would have it,whatever your stance on the free-will debate, you're still thrown into the circumstances of your being.

You're in high school again. Next lesson, we'll discuss the philosophies of Nietzsche, Heidegger, and Sartre to discover how they think we can move past the angst that endlessly plagues us. Here's a hint: power, care, and being yourself (respectively).